Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
