I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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