I just saw a hot homeless man
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
