Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
