I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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