it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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