i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
