the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
