I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
