I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
