I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
