I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
