i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
