I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
