I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
