sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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