Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
