If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
