Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
