I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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