So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
