i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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