is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
