I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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