I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
