The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
