How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
