wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
