I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
