To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
