I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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