im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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