I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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