It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
