She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
