So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
