how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
