I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
