So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
