i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
