she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
