but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
