either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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