Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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