Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
