do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm like, not good at living.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
