I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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