I puked a lego.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
