i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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