i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
