We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
