Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
