dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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