can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize