God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize