i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
