I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
