I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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