accomplished twins. life is a go
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
