So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
