Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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