the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
