also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
