Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Found the puke drawer
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize