Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
