the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize