oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
