I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
