listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
