Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
