We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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