It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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