Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
