nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
