i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
