everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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